Dear Anne: I’ve wanted to ask this question for some time. I have a very old and good (I thought) friend that I have known for over 50 years. We live in different states. I texted him several times a week and called him weekly.
My friend always answers right away and seems happy to hear from me. He is in his 60s, divorced and lives alone. He often says he cares about me. However, if I don’t text or call, I never hear from her. Why do you think this is? — Perplexed in Arizona
Dear puzzled: He could be very shy, especially if he’s so reactive after you make contact. If you want him to start the dialogue more, why don’t you tell him that? Remember that people aren’t telepaths, and if he doesn’t know you’d like him to pick up the phone, maybe he thinks you like him the way he is. You need to tell her how you feel and what your expectations are for a relationship.
Dear Anne: I wrote to you months ago about how those of us who have had successful long marriages can help all newlyweds succeed, and you gave some great advice. I wanted to let you know about something that happened just a few days ago that reinforced the correctness of what you wrote.
My wife and I went to a harvest party at a farmer’s museum and saw young couples holding hands and old couples doing the same. We saw young families having so much fun running, carousel riding, hayriding, working together on children’s projects, watching shows, and interacting with farm animals.
Loved seeing the extended families interact with each other, three generations having fun together. With everyone being together without the distractions of social media, electronic games, laptops, etc., one might just feel in the air the close ties we have for our relationships.
I’m sure some will leave the museum and return to unhealthy situations, but for those few hours it was so good. You were wise when you wrote that “if your relationship is grounded in nature with lots of communication, books, and mutual respect, that relationship will blossom into a beautiful relationship.” I saw it with my own eyes just a few days ago. — Want to help
Dear desire to help: It’s a beautiful gift to be able to enjoy a moment and savor all its goodness. If every day we notice the good things around us, we will begin to have more of them. What we appreciate appreciate.
Yes, withdrawing from social media or any form of screen for a while is always a good thing and can bring more harmony to life. Thanks for writing.
See previous columns “Dear Annie”
“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring her favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book form. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected]
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